We all experience painful emotions at times in our lives. Sometimes they are so intense that we think we will never get over them. Emotions such as worry, anxiety, fear, pain, anger, disappointment, despair, guilt, inadequacy, overload, loneliness.

Emotions that most people try to avoid. But at what cost..

In order not to feel inadequacy, we may never try to achieve something great. Thus we condemn ourselves to never feel the satisfaction, the joy of creation and achievement.

In order not to experience rejection and the pain that may be associated with it, we may not feel the love and affection with the person we would like.

So by avoiding experiencing painful emotions, we avoid experiencing their opposite, wonderful emotions.

If these painful emotions arise, some people tolerate them or, worse, deny that they feel them. Some may even use them to show how bad or difficult they are going through.

However, none of the above behaviors and ways of managing these emotions bring the desired result, which is none other than to feel better or change our emotional state.

The source of our emotions is ourselves. We create emotions within ourselves and what we feel at any given moment of our lives depends on the meaning we give to an experience we are experiencing. And how we reproduce this experience in our mind will determine how we feel.

Each of us has set some rules, some criteria in operation for what we want to happen.

So our emotions are messengers of clear messages.

PAIN

Most feelings of Pain stem from the sense of Loss.

The emotion that dominates as a consequence of dysfunctional human relationships, personal and professional, is pain.

When people do not meet our expectations, we experience a sense of loss and feel hurt. Either we lose our trust, or the close bond in the relationship we had.

As oxymoronic as it may seem, very often it is the loss of a future situation that causes us pain. A situation that we had dreamed of, we had the expectation of being able to live with a specific person by our side.

Maybe it is a professional success that we have not yet achieved.

Maybe it is the financial comfort that would lead us to experience all the good things in life that can be bought and we are not yet at that level but we expected it to happen more immediately.

We feel pain for something we didn’t have in the first place, but we had the expectation of experiencing.

How many of you have said at some point in your life that you would never fall in love again after a breakup and it’s not true today?

How many of you have thought that you are financially ruined, that you will never be able to raise your head again, and that is not the case today?

Most people find a way to survive and continue in their lives after a loss.

They manage their pain, use the message of this feeling and make the necessary changes in their lives.

And many times their future is better than what they had dreamed of. They just have to get the message and make the necessary changes in their lives.

The message of Pain is that you have an expectation that has not been fulfilled and you feel the feeling of loss.

So after we identify what we feel and appreciate this feeling and the message that pain conveys to us, let’s look at the possible changes that we are called to make in order to improve our emotional state.

Is it really what I think?

You have your own rules about how you would like things to be and what you consider acceptable for you to happen. Consider whether your rules apply to this situation you are experiencing. Perhaps you need to change your perspective. Otherwise, you may be experiencing pain for no real reason. Perhaps you need to change the way you see things and what it really means.
How and when can I communicate what is hurting me?
First, consider whether you have clearly communicated your desires and needs. Many people believe that everyone has their own rules and should know. But this is not the case. So first communicate your expectations and desires.
Perhaps you need to communicate in a different way. Show empathy first to the other person and then communicate what you feel and what you want to happen. Change the way you communicate your desires and needs to someone.
Maybe you just need to change when you communicate what you feel and what you ideally want to happen.
Changing my behavior
Change the way you treat people and it will result in a new behavior towards you